Last night was a rough evening.
I was home sick on Monday and when checking on the baby chicks I noticed one of my layers was pasted up and not behaving well. I brought her inside, cleaned her up and returned her to the brooder box. Her posture was a little odd still, but she was active so I didn’t worry.
Yesterday morning she was standing but kind of stunned as the other chicks whizzed around her (they are very active at this stage). When I got home last night she was clearly doing very poorly. I came in to the house on the verge of tears and told my (ex)husband she was dying. There was no question that it was better to end her suffering at that point and my (ex)husband handled the unfortunate task. He had already poured me a glass of wine and I took it out to the back patio where the sun was setting and sat on the ground while the full grown hens milled around trying to decide if I had a snack and what to make of me being at their level.
Afterwards my (ex)husband and I talked about the responsibilities for the lives of our animals, the decisions we have to make, and as usual I was pretty emotional about the baby chick. We talked about how it’s supposed to get easier over time, but that while we hope it does get easier we also hope we never lose the connection. I reflected on how each time we lose an animal or choose to end a life the emotional reaction causes me to do a full evaluation if we are doing the “right thing”. The right thing for us? for the animals? for our family? for the earth? Despite the heartbreak and emotional toll it takes on me, I haven’t yet come to a different decision than the ones we have made leading up to this point. We also discussed about how at the point at which I don’t cry over a lost life anymore, that maybe we would need to reconsider our decisions as well.
This will only be the first of many lives lost either by design or unfortunate circumstance for the season, but I still find it challenging regardless. I struggle to describe to someone else how I can make the decisions I do despite my strong affinity for the animals in our care, but I still think offering them a grieved, humane life is better than faceless killing.






